Hold Me Up
by ColorfulTape
Summary: Dean Winchester would never admit when he needs help. He is the one to make the sacrifice so his family has a better life, but when his cancer comes back worse than ever will he allow his family into his personal battle. Sam has it all at Stanford, everything but his brother, when he runs into Dean after 2 years apart its not at all how he pictured.
1. Chapter 1

Author note: I am not a doctor, what I know about cancer is from witnessing family members battle this horrible disease and from research.

Dean Winchester was many things son, brother, hunter, cancer patient. Never in his 26 years of life did he think he would add cancer to his resume. It started 2 years ago shorty after Sam left for Stanford, Dean had come down with a cold that he just could not shake. After a month of non-stop coughing and miserable sleepless nights John ordered him to the doctors. After a quick exam with concerned cautious looks, followed by an x-ray and blood work to confirm, Dean heard the life changing words.

"I'm sorry son, we found cancer."

Now Dean is about as tough as they come but nothing can really prepare a person for this type of fight. Monsters are easy, you can see them, touch them, and if you can touch it, you can kill it. Cancer is a completely different ball game. You can't see or touch it, the battle rages within you. Dean listened to the information and collected the many pamphlets shoved at him. He left the doctor with his head held high and texted his dad, _All good! _

Dean drove away that night with no destination in particular, his mind buzzing with facts, statistics, and what if's. One thing that was clear though, Sam and his dad were not going to know, this was his fight and he could handle it on his own. When the Impala finally stopped Dean found himself at Bobby Singer's house, the gruff old man welcomed him with open arms. Little was said even after Dean spilled the beans, Bobby's only requirement; Dean would stay with him until his treatment was finished.

Bobby was a god send during the treatment, he would comfort Dean when Dean was violently sick after chemo and encouraged him when he felt like quitting. Through many doctor visits, hospital admissions, and sleepless nights Bobby never complained, and he never left. He was the constant that Dean needed to come out victorious. Finally, after 6 months of treatment both hunters breathed a sigh of relief, the scans had come back clean. Dean was sure that he had won his fight and that he could safely put cancer in his rear view-mirror. He did just that for 16 months and Dean didn't think of it anymore that he needed to. Then 2 months ago the cough came back with vengeance, Dean tried to convince himself it was just a cold, but that was impossible when the cough turned bloody.

Dean sat in the doctor's office his world crashing in on him, there was no denying the x-rays and the cloudy masses peppering his lungs. Stage 4 small cell lung cancer, aggressive and more often than not, fatal. Dean cussed his shitty luck, drove home and got drunk. The doctors had told him that this diagnosis was bleak, but they were optimistic. Dean scoffed at their empty assurances; he knew his chances were almost zero. Still Dean made the decision to continue hunting maybe if he was lucky a monster would kill him before the cancer did.

~Present Day

Dean grumbled as he flipped through his dad's journal trying to make sense of the new case his dad had sent him. His right arm itched horribly at the IV site and his body was wracked with icy shivers. Dean hated chemo day, but this was the only time to fit it in on his way to Jericho and refill his medications. Dean sighed, rubbing his tired eyes, the life of a cancer patient.

"Alright handsome, you're all finished!" Dean looked up to see a friendly elderly nurse standing over him pushing buttons on his IV pump. The woman wore a bright blue dress that went down to her knees, her silver hair was pulled back into a snug bun. She wore a sunny smile and a comforting disposition as she went about her work stopping the drip. That was one thing about oncology nurses, they always went out of their way to be kind. Dean couldn't help but wonder if it was because they knew most of their patients were dead men walking.

"Hey Gladys, if you're going to hit on me maybe you should offer to buy me dinner first." Dean winked at her flirtatiously.

Gladys laughed and playfully swatted his shoulder. "Dean Winchester, you are positively horrible!"

"And that's why you love me so much!" Dean had met a lot of nurses in his life and Gladys was one of his all time favorites. She was efficient at her job, but she was one of the few that treated her patients like a person and nit just another sick body.

"Maybe if I was 40 years younger." Gladys paused a faraway look in her eye as if she was imagining that scenario. She grinned, shaking her head and refocused. "But I don't know if you would have been able to handle me."

Dean's eyebrows shot up and Gladys cackled as she bandaged his arm. "But I would have loved the challenge." He retorted.

The nurse chuckled and went about checking his vitals and jotting down information into his chart. "Alright dear, I have you down for the same time next week. You know the drill, any high fevers, unusual bleeding etc. come straight in."

"Will do, honey." Dean nodded rolling his sleeve down before shakily getting to his feet.

Gladys frowned as she watched the sick young man's silent struggle. Her heart ached for him, no one deserved cancer especially those that got it so young. Dean caught her starting and raised an eyebrow in question.

"I'm sorry sweety, I just hate to see you going through all of this alone. Are you sure there is no one we could call?"

"No, they don't need to know. I've been alone a while now, even before I got sick. I beat this once before by myself and I can do it again." Dean said with finality. "Besides, I'm not alone, I have you." He shot his nurse a mischievous wink.

Gladys rolled her eyes tossing away the IV tubes into the hazard bin. "You know that's not the same thing."

"It is what it is." Dean sighed, shrugging on his brown leather jacket, ignoring the ever loosening fit. Taking the nurses hand in his own he gave it a slight squeeze. Gladys couldn't help but notice the cool tremble of his hand. "I'll see you next week."

She walked him to the door where Dean paused. He didn't turn to look at her and Gladys had to strain to hear him. "Thank you for caring, even if it's only because it's your job." The young man didn't wait around for her to give a response, he shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets and ambled down the hall.

Gladys watched him go, her lips trembled as emotion knotted in her chest. It was hard getting attached to patients just to watch them die a slow death. Dean was one of those patients that a nurse couldn't help but get close too. The nurse's eyes teared and she brushed at the moisture in helpless frustration. There had to be someone out there for Dean, to help carry him through this. She only wished he would just call them.

~Sam

Sam stepped outside onto the stairs of the lecture building and took a deep breath relishing the beautiful summer day. Shifting the strap of his backpack higher up his shoulder he smiled his good mood almost as blinding as the sun.

Sam Winchester's life was perfect. He was at the college of his dreams, aced his last LSAT, has amazing friends, and was about to propose to the love of his life. The only downside was throughout all his accomplishment there was one person he wanted to call, his brother Dean. Ok, so change that, Sam Winchester's life is _mostly_ perfect. Everyday there was something that Sam wanted to share with his older brother. There were many times he had his phone in hand, ready to dial his number but he always ended up shoving the device away.

Sam had made his choice and Dean had made his. Sam decided to leave, and Dean stayed. Sam shook his head trying to push those thoughts away not wanting them to sour his good mood. Sucking in another deep breath Sam basked in the warmth of the day. Striding down the stairs Sam let his mind wander to anything other than his dysfunctional family life. He waved to friends as he passed through campus and typed out a quick text to Jessica that he was headed to the coffee shop to study.

Sam was just about to hit send when an eerily familiar brown leather jacker caught his attention. The jacket stuck out like a sore thumb in this warm, late August, California day. Everyone was dressed to match the weather, t-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops. Sam moved closer to the stranger and realized he was staring at the back of his brother's head. Forgetting his message Sam shoved the phone in his pocket and took off after his brother.

"Hey Dean," Sam called placing a hand on his brother's shoulder turning him around only to be stunned into silence. Dean's eyes seemed sunken and dull and the skin around his eyes was dark and bruised. His cheek bones looked too sharp and the skin pulled too tight. The earlier feelings of confusion and happiness disappeared, now all Sam felt was fear, was Dean sick?


	2. Chapter 2

Well shit, he'd been caught. Dean had thought for certain he could talk to the Stanford mythology professor without getting caught. This Ivy League campus was big enough it was silly to think that he would run into Sam. Naturally, his unholy Winchester luck had other ideas and he had to lie quick. "Hey there Sammy, you look like you've seen a ghost."

Sam blinked a few times trying to wrangle his thoughts. "Dean are you…"

"Never better, little brother." Dean cut Sam's question off with a wave of his hand. Sam's brow furrowed and Dean could tell his brother didn't believe him.

Sam could tell he was tiptoeing on a touchy subject and even though he wanted answers he wasn't sure pushing Dean in a crowded area was the best idea. "What are you doing here, man?"

Dean sighed, the ball of anxiety in his chest loosening a tad. He could work with this, anything to change the subject about his failing health. "Ah nothing major, just finished up with the mythology professor. I needed some information and she was the closest resource I had."

Unfortunately, Dean's answer had the opposite effect that he had hoped for. Sam's face flushed pale and his eyes widened in alarm. "Wait you're still hunting?" Sam hissed, eyes darting around the campus as if just saying the word would summon an army of monsters.

Annoyance swept over Dean and he yanked his shoulder from his brother's grip, stumbling over his feet a bit. He didn't feel like he needed to defend his lifestyle, this was his life and his choice. "Of course, I'm hunting, it's the family business in case you forgot."

Sam flinched slightly at the jab, but he refused to back down on this. He knew what Dean was trying to do, he was trying to deflect and start a fight instead of talking. "How could you still be hunting when you look…"

"Look like what, Sam?" Dean bit out, voice raising in anger. He put a hand to his temple when his vision began to swim as he started to feel himself getting worked up. The issue was Dean wasn't sure who he was exactly getting angry at, Sam or himself. He was angry at Sam for leaving and never looking back. He was angry that his brother never called or visited, and he was angry that Sam was acting all concerned. Yet he was also mad at himself for being caught, he was mad that he had cancer again and he wasn't beating it, he was mad that he couldn't tell Sam. Dean was tired of being angry.

Sam threw his hands up in defeat, his face flushing with frustration. "Fine Dean you look like shit. You look like you haven't had a decent meal or nights sleep in months. I just wish you would talk to me."

The blinding sunlight dimmed as a cloud lazily rolled over it. Dean shuddered slightly missing the warmth and comfort of the sun. Sam must have noticed as he looked questioningly at Dean. It would be so easy just to let the cat out of the bag and let Sam in. Dean would be lying if he said he hadn't considered it and he wanted too. But if he gave in now then the past 2 years would have been for nothing. Sam looked good, life has clearly treated him well, and he finally looked happy. He had no right to drag Sam back into his living hell. Dean sadly shook his head, he reached up and gave his brother a light affectionate slap on the cheek. "Don't Sam, don't start caring now. It's nothing." Turning his back Dean started to walk away from Sam, from a life he knew he couldn't be a part of.

"Dean, Dean wait!"

Dean could hear his brother's footsteps come up fast behind him, unfortunately in that moment fate decided to kick him while he was down. A wave of dizziness washed over him forcing Dean to clamp his eyes shut and breath deeply through his nose. Fucking chemo!

As Sam approached his brother, he could see Dean swaying and tilting dangerously to the right. His eyes were closed, and his face had impossibly flushed even paler. Sam wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's trembling shoulders. "Woah, Dean, hang on."

Sam led Dean over to a nearby bench and helped him sit. Sam was growing more impatient and worried by the second, Dean had yet to open his eyes and his breathing was fast and labored. "You can't tell him this is nothing!"

Dean could hear the desperation in Sam's voice and he forcibly cracked an eye open in the hopes of calming his brother's growing panic. The world slowly began to stop its rotating game and Dean was able to focus on Sam's puppy dog eyes. Sam's own held the promise of unending questions and determination. Dean was undoubtably screwed.

"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" Dean scoffed in frustration when his annoying little brother shook his head no. "You never did know when to leave well enough alone." Sam said nothing, he only stared at Dean expectantly. Dean ran a tired hand through his hair, he logically knew it was only a matter of time before Sam found out but he was just as stubborn, he would keep his secret for as long as he could.

"I promise you Sammy, this isn't that exciting." His green eyes wandered to bright blue sky and he smiled almost sadly. "This won't last that much longer." He whispered.

Sam didn't like the way that Dean said that, his tone was oddly tired and accepting, it made Sam's blood run cold. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Dean dropped his gaze and shrugged, placing his hands on his knees, he hoisted himself to his feet. Again, the world tilted on its axis and Dean cursed. Sam caught him by the shoulder and steadied him. "Dean maybe I should take you to a hospital."

"No!" Dean growled out before letting out deep coughs. "I'm not spending anymore time there than I have too."

Sam caught the slip, Dean had just admitted he had been in the hospital, this was more serious than he thought. "The doctors could help!" Sam lead on, hoping Dean hadn't caught on to his admission.

Dean coughed again tasting copper in his mouth. "Not happening!" He rasped out, wiping quickly at any bloody spittle before Sam could notice. "Just give me a minute and I'll be good to go and get out of your hair." Dean's torso was heaving as he struggled to catch his breath, fingers digging into Sam's shoulder. Sam was frozen in panic, not sure what to do or how to help. After a few moments the episode passed, both brothers silent, each waiting for the other to break the uncomfortable tension.

Sam could tell that his brother wasn't going to give on his secret, at least not now. He could also see that Dean was weak and struggling but the stubborn asshole wouldn't dare ask for help. He would do what Dean does best, runaway to lick his wounds in a self-imposed exile. Even now Sam could see his brother searching for a way to weasel his way away from Sam. Sam quickly considered his options but the answer was clear, he knew what he needed to do.

"Listen Sam…"

"What are we hunting?" Sam cut him off. He gripped Dean's arm tightly in his hand, part of it to keep him steady and part to make sure his brother wouldn't bolt.

Dean whipped his head up to look at his brother in shock. "What did you say?" Clearly his ears had deceived him, there was no way that Sam just said what he did. Sam had literally run away from his family and his life to get away from hunting, why would he say this now?

"I'm going with you." Sam stated determinedly his tone leaving no room for questions.

Dean weakly tried to pull his arm from his brother and failed. "No, you aren't!" He cried indignantly, his heart pounding as mixed emotions flooded him. Only in his dreams had this moment played out and now that it was here, he didn't know what to do.

Sam ignored Dean and gently pulled on his arm, leading him towards the parking lot. When they reached the student parking Sam paused to take in the site of their dad's shining 1997 Chevy Impala, happy memories flashing through his mind. Dean finally yanked his arm from Sam. "I mean it Sam, just let this go."

Sam only rolled his eyes and dangled his brother's keys in front of Dean's face. "And I mean it! You aren't going to tell me what's going on so I'm coming with you to make sure you don't get yourself killed." Dean's hands flew to his pockets to find them empty; the prick had picked his pockets! Sam gave his brother a wicked grin as he pulled open the Impala's door the familiar creaking sound filling him with warmth. "House rules, Dean, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole."

Author Notes: Please comment to let me know what you think! Take care!


	3. Finding What We Lost

Shout out: Thank you to Franki3Winchester, Secretwrittenword, Kandilyn, Trompy, and LunaRains for their comments, they made my day!

Sam rubbed at his temples hoping to alleviate the tension headache that the past few days had brought on. He winced when a bright set of headlights met his sensitive eyes and he sunk lower into his seat. His dad wasn't answering Sam's phone calls, Jess wouldn't stop texting him in worry, the ghost had left him with new scars and bruises and Dean wouldn't stop bitching about the scratches on his car.

Dean was migraine inducing all on his own. The more time Sam spent with Dean the more he was convinced something was horribly wrong. All throughout the hunt Dean would have these random bouts of dizziness, coughing fits, and exhaustion. Sam could tell Dean did his best to hide it, but his brother was never very good at lying to Sam.

Sam noted that Dean hardly ate and if he did his face would flush with nausea. Dean had slept the entire way to Jericho, but he still was bone tired. Sam had tried to weasel more information from Dean, but his older brother had insisted they were there to hunt and nothing more. So, Sam resorted to snooping, he would wait until Dean would leave the room or fall asleep to raid through his meager possessions. After 2 days of searching Sam dug through Dean's leather jacket and found an appointment card for Mercy hospital. His next appointment was in two days at 7 A.M. Finally, a clue! Sam checked his watch and pieces of his plan started falling into place.

After the hunt Dean had dropped Sam off at his apartment and promised to call him when he found a place for the night. Sam knew that was complete bullshit, Dean was treating this like a bad prom date and was completely intending to ghost his brother as soon as he pulled away.

Little did Dean know Sam had planned for this, when his brother pulled away Sam initiated part two of his plan, _Operation Stalk Dean._ Sam waited until his brother drove out of sight before he ran to his apartment grabbed Jess's car keys and drove to Mercy hospital to sit there all night and wait. Sure enough, after a few hours of waiting Dean rolled up at 6:45. When the Impala rumbled past his parked vehicle Sam crouched lower in his seat to avoid Dean noticing him. He knew that if he jumped Dean here the proud bastard would turn around and drive off. Sam couldn't have that; he had come this close to finding out Dean's secret and he wanted answers.

Dean parked his car and entered the hospital doors without even glancing at Sam's direction, finally a bit of luck. Sam climbed out of the vehicle and jogged over to the entrance of the hospital. Sam rubbed his hands together to work out some anxiety, now came the hard part, following Dean without being noticed. Upon entering Sam scanned his surroundings, just as Dean had taught him all those years ago. It wasn't hard to pick out the brown leather jacket heading down the left hallway, Sam quickly moved to the side of the hall and followed his brother making sure to stay a safe distance behind.

Everything was going great until Dean stopped at an elevator. Sam cursed as the doors slid shut and all he could do was watch and wait until the floor numbers stopped on level 4. Sam eyes flashed to the stair well. The stairs it was then. Sam flew up them, skipping two at a time. Reaching the fourth floor he yanked the door open and practically collapsed into the hallway, scaring an elderly nurse in the process. Sam's eyes scanned the room, his heart clenching in panic when he couldn't spot the leather jacket.

"Damnit!" He muttered, running a trembling hand through his hair, his chest heaving with exertion.

"Can I help you?"

Sam jumped lightly at the soft voice. He turned his head to see the elderly nurse he had startled. She was watching him with wary blue eyes. Sam didn't blame her; he was sure she didn't see many people come bursting from the stair well like their house was on fire. Sam took a moment to collect himself.

"I'm not sure." He answered honestly.

"Are you here for an appointment?" The nurse asked, holding up her chart and flipping through her papers.

"Appointment?" Sam asked stupidly before his brain caught up with her question. "No, I'm looking for my brother."

"Oh." The nurse said, lowering her chart board. "Is your brother a patient here?"

"Maybe." Sam scratched the back of his neck anxiously. "I don't think he wants me to know if he is one."

Sam could see the nurse's expression change from skeptical to slightly hopeful. "Your brother wouldn't happen to have blonde hair, green eyes, a sarcastic attitude, and obsessed with a leather jacket?"

Hope blossomed in Sam's chest. "That's Dean!"

The nurse held her hand out in greeting. "My name is Gladys, I work with Dean."

Sam took her hand and shook it. "I'm Sam Winchester, Dean's younger brother."

Gladys grinned, thanking whatever higher power there was for finally bringing Sam here. Dean finally didn't have to be alone. "Can you tell me why Dean is coming here?" The question made her stomach drop. Sam didn't know about the cancer; she could just about throttle her stubborn patient for keeping his little brother in the dark. Still, it was Dean's choice whether she agreed with it or not. "Sam, it's against hospital policy to…"

Sam could see the hesitation on the nurse's face, and he could feel the panic bubbling to the surface. "Please ma'am, he's all I have left!"

Gladys studied him with her piercing blue eyes as she warred with herself. She knew it would go against policy to violate Dean's request to keep his information private, but Gladys knew he was tired and afraid. Dean needed Sam just as much as Sam needed Dean. _Damn you Dean!_

Sam had started to lose hope when Gladys's hand shot out and tightly gripped his arm. She looked carefully around the room making sure no one would overhear them. "Follow me, quickly!" Sam was surprised by the speed and strength of the woman. "Christ, I am going to get in so much trouble for this!"

She hauled Sam through the employee doors and down a pale hallway. "Where are we going?" The young man asked as he struggled to keep up.

"I'm taking you to Dean." She hissed before she shushed him. The last thing they needed was to be caught by her supervisor.

Sam stayed quiet allowing the woman to smuggle him through the backroom with no incident. Before long they stopped in front of a wooden door. The nurse released him and gestured to the door. "You'll find Dean in there. But I should warn you, these treatments can be rough on him."

"Treatments?"

Gladys's face flashed with pity, he still didn't know. This was the worst part of the job, telling the family. Gladys reached forward and grasped Sam's hands in her own. "Sam, honey, Dean has cancer."

Sam froze, it was like invisible hands wrapped around his ankles and viciously tore him through the floor into a deep, dark, icy lake. Sam felt himself gasp but the freezing sensation filled his lungs and he couldn't breathe. _Dean has cancer. _Those words kept echoing in his head, but Sam couldn't comprehend them.

Sam had known his brother was really sick, anyone could see that, but cancer? How could his superhero brother, that killed monster, get kicked down by something so mundane as cancer? This wasn't right, Sam couldn't understand this, he was scared and angry.

Gladys could see the young man's breathing pick up to the point of almost hyperventilation. She could see the gravity of the situation begin to crush the boy and that broke her heart. "Sam, you need to slow your breathing down!" She cupped his face in her hands trying to get him to focus on her. His panicked eyes settled on her. "There you go, now just focus on your breaths!"

Sam focused on her calm voice and mentally latched onto it. He needed it to drag him out of the crushing black water and back to a sense of calm. After a minute Sam took a shaky breath and asked. "Cancer? When? How bad?"

Gladys released him and sighed. "His lung cancer returned two months ago. Unfortunately, this time it's fairly advanced."

"Woah, hold up." Sam held up his hand's in a time out gesture. "What do you mean it came back? You mean he had this before?"

Oops. Gladys cringed at the accidental slip. "His records show he was first diagnosed at the beginning of October two years ago. After an intense six-month treatment, he went into remission."

Sam backed up until his back pressed up against the wall. Gladys may as well of punched him in the gut. Her revelation of his brother condition completely knocked the wind out of him. Dean got cancer not long after he left for Stanford. He had fought and beat it once already and he did it all without telling Sam. Sam was struggling to keep calm as his emotions began to take hold.

"Sam, I know you have a lot of questions but there is only so much I can tell you. The rest of this story should come from Dean." Gladys reached for the door again, but Sam stopped her.

"I understand but can you answer one last question please?" The nurse hesitated then nodded. "Is my brother dying?"

Gladys inhaled sharply, tears pooling in her eyes. "The doctors say the cancer isn't responding to the treatment like they hoped. He has gotten sicker in the last month, but I never say never."

It was like a shadow fell over Sam's face, Gladys wanted to comfort him, but he quickly pulled away and wiped a tear that escaped his hazel eye. "Ok," Sam whispered, he cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders as he schooled his features. "I'd like to see my brother now."

The nurse could only guess at what the young man was thinking and feeling. Perhaps it was anger, guilt, fear or even sorrow, the list was endless. Gladys opened the door to the chemotherapy treatment room and directed Sam to Dean. Gladys watched Sam disappear around the corner and prayed she did the right thing. Dean had talked about his little brother and how he was going to become a lawyer. Gladys smiled each time he told the story because in those moments Dean forgot about his pain and his eyes shined with pride. She understood a bit better now why Dean hadn't wanted to call Sam. When the patient was still alive and fighting, people often forgot about cancer's other victims, the family. They often are overlooked by appointments, treatments, and everyday care. Gladys could see from the minute she said the word cancer that Sam's world changed; she didn't doubt for a minute that he was going to devote himself to Dean's care. Gladys could only hope that he wouldn't lose himself if things didn't end the way everyone wanted them too.

Sam rubbed his arms trying to get rid of the goosebumps that were creeping up and down his flesh. The minute he stepped into the bright sky-blue room, he hated it. He hated the plants and flowers that reminded him of a warm spring day. He hated the cheerful paintings that portrayed loves filled of travel, love, and peace. But most of all he hated the big comfy recliners that a person would see in a Better Homes and Garden magazine. Sam hated it all because it was a lie. It was a poor sad attempt to hide what was really going on. This room was a warzone, people came here to fight for their lives and not all of them won. Dean was now one of those people and it scared Sam to his core.

Looking around the room Sam could see three people currently hooked up to the chemo pumps. One was an elderly man that was bundled up in a blanket, reading from a magazine. The second was a middle-aged woman listening to a CD player, tapping her foot along to the beat. The last person happened to be wearing a familiar pair of hiking boots. Sam would know them anywhere. Maneuvering his way around the desk and a few nurses, Sam carefully approached his brother.

Dean was resting quietly in his recliner; his eyes were closed but his face was pale. The shadows around his eyes were darker and the freckles on his face contrasted boldly against his sickly pallor. Sam's eyes traveled to the IV where he could see it taped to his brothers arm and he could hear the whirling of the pump pushing the chemo into Dean's veins. Sam could see him shaking slightly, his breathing rough and heavy. Seeing Dean in that chair made it unbelievably real now. Dean had cancer and the treatment wasn't working. Sam wasn't ready to accept that, there was too much they needed to do. Sam had so many things to tell Dean, things that he needed his brother to be there for.

Sam collapsed into the visitors chair next to Dean's recliner and ran a trembling hand over his face. "Hey Dean." Sam could see Dean tense and his eyes flew open, shocked green eyes meeting his own.

"What the fu…" Dean closed his eyes again and thumped his head against the recliner. This wasn't supposed to happen. Sam wasn't supposed to see this, to become apart of this. Dean wasn't all that surprised though, nothing in his life the past two years had went his way. Fate was a cruel bitch, destroying all his safeguards leaving him weak and vulnerable. She viciously unraveled his carefully made plans to force him to watch his loved ones suffer. He cracked and eye. "Why, Sam?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" Christ Dean you have Cancer!"

Dean snorted humorlessly. "Really, I do? Guess I hadn't noticed." Sam clenched and unclenched his hands in his lap. His emotions were running high and he didn't want Dean to keep trying to push him away. "Please Dean, don't." His breath hitched as emotion choked him.

Dean opened his eyes to see his brother rushing to wipe away tears. Christ this is what he wanted to avoid. Dean hated to see his brother cry and he never wanted to see Sam cry over him.

"How couldn't you tell me?" Sam asked.

"You left." Dean sighed. "You left and didn't look back."

"You could have called…" Sam stated weakly.

"But would you have answered?"

Sam's mouth bobbed; his mind was racing to form an answer. His heart desperately wanted to scream yes! Of course, he would have answered. Dean was his brother and he loved him. His mind however stopped him; he wasn't sure he could say yes honestly. When he had walked out that door his one mission was to escape. Dean was a link to a life he wanted to leave in his past and unfortunately that meant that Dean was his past. Sam often found himself regretting that decision, but he had found happiness and hadn't been able to bring himself to bring that part of his life into his new one. A decision he now hated himself for.

"I guess we will never know." Sam whispered. "Dean, I would have been here if I would have known. I want to be here."

Dean started to cough. Sam could hear the rumbling deep in his brother's lungs as he struggled to catch his breath. Dean dug into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief and coughed deeply into it. Sam grabbed a nearby water bottle and handed it to his brother. "Thanks Sammy," Dean grabbed the water from Sam and accidently dropped his handkerchief. Dean said nothing as Sam picked up the fabric, his brother's hands shaking as he saw the deep red blood spotting the white cloth.

"Look Sam, you want the truth?"

Sam stuffed the offending cloth away in his pocket and nodded his head. "Of course, I do."

Dean took another swallow of water. "At first I didn't tell you was because I was hurt. I was mad you left and didn't even bother offering to ask if I would go with you. You had a vision of the future and I wasn't apart of it." Dean held up a hand to stop Dean's protest. "Let me finish. The biggest reason I didn't call the first time is because on my way to Bobby's I stopped here. I saw you walking around campus holding the hand of a pretty blonde and a law book in your hand. You looked so incredibly happy and at peace, I didn't want to be the reason to take that smile off your face."

Sam could feel the warm tears steadily flowing down his cheeks. Leave it to Dean to think that keeping his illness a secret would be better than asking for help. Dean always worried about being a burden and he never wanted to anything that would inconvenience Sam. "Dean, I am happy, but I would much rather be here with you instead of studying for an exam. You are more important than any of that."

Dean felt Sam grip his shaking hand, his touch was so warm and familiar he couldn't bring himself to shake it off. "Sammy you don't understand, this might not have a happy ending. I knew that the first time I was diagnosed." Dean coughed and waved away more offered water. "I just need you to focus on your future so you will have something when I'm gone."

Sam could see Dean was crying now and he was struggling to catch his breath. "Dean, I know you want what's best for me, but did you ever think of what it would do to me if you died and I wasn't able to see you again. I don't accept that this is the end, but I intend to take care of you as you did for me when I was little."

Dean could feel his chest tightening, it was normal that his lungs were slightly exasperated during treatment, but this was worse than normal. It felt like he was breathing from a straw and his fingers were starting to tingle. Maybe the last hunt had been a bed idea. Dean gripped Sam with his right hand the other pulling at the collar of his shirt. "Sam…I can't… breath!"

"Dean? Oh god, nurse!" Sam could see his brother's lips starting to take on a blue tinge as he struggled to breath. The nurses rushed over pushing Sam to the side. An oxygen cannula was placed under Dean's nose as they paged for a doctor. Sam could hear them call out different numbers and stats but none of them made much sense. Sam could only watch as Dean stiffened, and his green eyes rolled back in his head.

"He's seizing! Push the benzodiazepine" A doctor ordered.

A warm hand and a comforting voice stopped Sam from rushing to his brother. "Sam, trust them."

Gladys wrapped her arm around Sam and pulled him back to allow the nurses and doctors to transport Dean. Sam clung to Gladys in fear. "Everything was fine, we were talking, and he was fine." Sam's voice wavered. "I don't know what happened, Gladys."

Gladys squeezed Sam's arm in comfort. "It's not uncommon in this stage of the disease for a patient to experience seizures." Gladys said hating herself for what she needed to say next. "Sam, I have some bad news, so I need you to listen to me. Dean's lab work came back and it's not good. Dean will need to be hospitalized."

Sam closed his eyes and nodded. "I understand. Where do I go to wait for him?"

"I'll show you to his room. He will be brought there when he's stabilized." Then Gladys did something that Sam didn't expect, she hugged him. Sam melted into the hug he hadn't realized he so desperately needed until that moment. "I'm so sorry Sam, if you need anything please just ask."

Sam nodded and cried as he hugged the nurse a little tighter. "I'm scared."

Gladys pulled back and brushed a tear off his cheek. "I know, don't be afraid to tell him. All you need to do at this point is be there, hold his hand when he needs it, listen when he needs to talk, and hope."

Sam gave her hand a grateful squeeze. "Thank you, I'm really glad you're his nurse." He added a little sheepishly.

Gladys gave a watery laugh. "You are absolutely welcome, honey. Now let's go find your brother."

Sam followed the nurse, his thoughts drifting off wondering what to do next. He knew he needed to call Jess, Bobby, and their dad. He was so tired, and it was only ten in the morning. He needed to contact his teachers and his job. Then there was the issue of the medical bills and insurance companies. Where were they going to stay when Dean got out of the hospital, hopefully Jess wouldn't mind. There was so much he needed to do but at this moment all he wanted was to be sitting shot gun in the Impala as Dean drove down a long black top while listening to classic rock. As Sam sat alone in Dean's room, he allowed himself to breakdown. He sobbed as he thought back to all his favorite memories with his brother. It was amazing what one missed when they realized that they probably will never get to experience it again.

Author Notes: I apologize if any medical stuff is inaccurate, I'll try my best to keep it as realistic as possible. A quick fact I would like to share, all of these chapters are handwritten, I feel like I have a tiny book with me ate work. I appreciate all the comments, they help keep me motivated and I love to know what you all think! Take care and thanks for reading!


	4. To Save Your Brother

Author's Note: A shoutout to Franki3Winchester and Secretwrittenword for the lovely comments and sticking with this story! It's greatly appreciated!

~2 Weeks Later

Sam was overjoyed as he signed Dean's hospital release papers. It had been a rocky two weeks, but the doctors said that his brother's labs were finally high enough to be released. This was a positive sign that things were headed in the right direction, Sam needed to believe that.

Dean was quiet on the drive to Sam's apartment while his little brother jabbered on about random things doing his best to fill the silence. Dean's silence didn't concern Sam at all, he just figured his brother was nervous to meet Jess. Jess had been totally on board with the idea of letting Dean stay with them during his recovery. Sam had never loved her more than in that moment.

After a few more minutes Sam pulled into the parking lot and put the Impala in park. "We're here." Dean's eyes slowly ran over the quant little building and smirked. Sam saw his brother's expression. "What?"

"It just suits you is all. I half expect little ankle biters to come running out to greet daddy home." Dean laughed when Sam's face flushed a deep red as he mumbled to Dean to shut up.

Sam exited the car ignoring Dean's laughter and quickly made his way over to the passenger side. Upon opening the door Sam gently gripped Dean's arm and helped him out of the vehicle. Once Sam knew Dean was stable, he leaned back in and grabbed Dean's medical bag and oxygen tank. Dean had been adamant about not being tied to the tank, but the doctor and Sam didn't give him much choice. Dean's lung function was dropping; the cancer beginning to effectively suffocate him from the inside. It took Sam all of twenty minutes to thwart Dean's protests with his secret weapon; the puppy dog eyes!

"There you are!" Sam turned in time to see Jessica exit the apartment building with a wave. He smiled as he watched his girlfriend hurry over, her blonde curls shining in the late summer light. "I was beginning to worry something happened."

Sam set down the oxygen tank and closed the Impala door. "Check out took a little longer than expected." Sam said smoothly as he gave Dean a pointed look. "Something with the oxygen but I took care of it." Dean huffed lightly and crossed his arms as he settled his weight against his baby. "Jess this is my older brother Dean."

Jess smiled widely and held her hand out to Dean. "It is so nice to finally meet you!"

Dean looked at the offered hand wearily before he took it. He didn't want this woman to see him as only a sick person. He had wanted to meet Sam's friends as what he was, Sam's big brother. "Sam told you about me, I suppose?"

Jess nodded and squeezed his hand warmly. "He doesn't talk about his family much but when he talks about you the stories have always been amusing. It's nice to finally have the opportunity to talk to you myself so I can learn all about Sam's most embarrassing childhood stories."

Jessica's admission surprised Dean to the core. He was so used to other's focusing solely on his disease than on him as a person. It was so refreshing. The betrayed look on Sam's face made it all the more satisfying and Dean laughed deeply. "If you want the dirt on Sammy, you definitely came to the right person."

Jess swung the medical bag over her shoulder and clapped her hands happily. "Once you are all settled in, I'll pop some popcorn and you can tell me all about it!"

Dean laughed again as he swung an arm over Jess's shoulder as she led him to the building. "I have a feeling that this is a start to a beautiful friendship!"

Sam tossed his hands up as he watched the traitorous pair walk away but he couldn't hide his smile. "I will never forget this betrayal!" He called after them in amusement. Bending down Sam grabbed Dean's duffel and hooked it over his shoulder with a tired sigh. The meeting between the two had went better than Sam could have hoped, even if their bonding would come at Sam's expense, it was another step in the right direction. It ignited another spark of hope in Sam's heart and it was a spark that he desperately needed.

"Here we are, make your self comfortable."

Dean looked around the small apartment. The kitchen was separated from the living room by a single wall. A hallway led from the living room to what Dean could assume was the bedrooms and bathroom. It wasn't the biggest of living spaces, but it was warm and inviting. Dean could easily see how Sam was able to make it a home. Pictures littered the walls and mantle pieces, on further inspection Dean could see them as highlights of Sam's life after he had left home. Many pictures where of Sam and Jess on dates and mini vacations others were of them with friends at parties or bars. A twinge of jealousy spiked through Dean. The pictures clearly showed that Sam had moved on and he was happy. He had moved on from Dean.

"That picture was taken last year." Jess's voice startled Dean. She nodded back to the picture he had been looking at. "We found out that Sam hadn't seen the ocean, so we made a quick road trip."

Dean nodded and turned back to the picture. "I'm glad Sam was able to find a happy family out here." He tried to hide any bitterness in his voice, but he couldn't help but hate how the happy faces of the pictured people seemed to mock his silent misery.

Despite his attempt to hide his emotions Jess caught on. "He keeps a picture of your mom and dad on our nightstand." Jess placed a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder and rubbed it in a soothing motion. "And I know he carries a picture of the two of you in his wallet."

Dean looked away, embarrassed that she had seen through him so easily. "Maybe so, but you said yourself that Sam doesn't talk about our family much. I knew a long time ago our little family couldn't offer what Sammy needed so he moved on and I accepted that."

Dean turned from Jess and the photos and slowly walked to the couch and collapsed. He looked pale and defeated as if he had just lost a friend. Jess's heart constricted painfully; she had known there were issues from the little that Sam had said but Dean's statement had shined a light on a painful family history. "Dean I may not know exactly what happened, but I know that Sam has missed you very much."

Dean felt the couch dip beside him, and he cracked an eye to see the blond sitting next to him. He sighed tiredly; this wasn't the first conversation he wanted to have with Jessica. He didn't want to have to try and explain to her way Sam was so ok with leaving them without accidently revealing the family business. "Jess, its ok. I know my brother loves me. It may be in his own Sammy way, but I know." Dean could see that the blonde still had doubt in her eyes. Dean sat forward and grabbed her hand and put on his best fake smile. "Look I know you are worried about him, but I promise we're good."

Jess didn't buy it for a moment but just then Sam entered the apartment. Her interrogation would have to wait until they were alone. Jess stood and looked at Dean firmly. "He's not the only one I'm worried about. You're my family now too." Dean's mouth popped open in surprise, taken completely off guard by her words. "Sam and I will unpack; you just sit here and rest ok."

Dean wanted to argue that he didn't need their help, he was more than capable of taking care of his own things. However, the couch was so welcoming and the blanket that Jess had strategically draped over him was lulling him into some much needed sleep. Surely it wouldn't hurt to let them help just this once.

Jess smiled approvingly when the older Winchester shut his eyes succumbing to sleep. He was going to be a tough one to crack that was for sure but now that he was here, she was going to do everything she could to help him and Sam heal. "Sam?"

"In here." The reply came from down the hall.

Jess gave the oxygen a quick check before grabbing the large medical bag and walking down the hall. She found Sam in the extra bedroom emptying Dean's duffle bag and preparing the room for when Dean woke up. "Hey," Sam smiled when Jess entered the room and handed him the bag. "Thanks. Where did you leave him?"

She thumbed towards the living room. "He's currently crashed on the couch. I think the trip from the hospital took it out of him."

Sam's sighed in relief. "Yeah, probably. Dean's never been a big fan of hospitals." Jess noticed that Sam commented on that so casually like the brothers had spent a lot of time in hospitals as kids. She made a mental note to ask more about that later. "I saw you two chatting when I came in, what did you talk about?"

Jess hesitated; she wasn't sure if she should tell him about Dean's feelings of being replaced. "Oh, you know, this and that."

Sam dropped the shirt he was holding into a drawer and turned to face his girlfriend. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was holding something back. "Jess?"

Jess shifted under Sam's suspicious gaze. She hated feeling like she was hiding something from her boyfriend, but she also didn't want to hurt both Sam and Dean if her telling Sam would cause an even deeper rift between the brothers. "What? We were just looking at some pictures that's all."

Sam leaned against the dresser and crossed his arms. "And?"

Jess picked up a pair of pants to fold them while she kept her gaze far from the Winchester's. "And he commented on how happy you looked with your new family."

Of course, that's what Dean would think. Sam sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Did he say anything else?"

Jess set down the pants when she heard the tension in Sam's voice. "Not really. I tried to ask but he wouldn't budge. All he said was that he wasn't angry."

Sam sighed as he dropped his hand from his face and exhaustion flooded through him. Of course, Dean would see those pictures and automatically assume those people were his replacement. No one would ever replace Dean in Sam's life, but Dean was always to big headed to notice that. Sam opened his eyes to see Jess watching him carefully. "Jess you know things between me, and my family are complicated. This is one of those things."

"I understand Sam, I just want to help." Jess said as she wrapped her boyfriend into a soothing hug. Sam kissed the top of her hair before resting his cheek on the crown of her head. He could tell that Dean was already worming his way into her heart as Sam knew he would. Dean had that special ability to draw in everyone around him.

"I know babe but lets just focus on getting Dean better physically before you start our family therapy, ok?"

Jess cringed and quickly buried her expression into Sam's shirt. After Sam had called her from the hospital, she had done her own research into Dean's condition. In truth Dean Winchester was a very sick man, anyone that looked at him could see that. The way that Sam talked Jess couldn't help but wonder if her boyfriend truly understood the severity of the situation and if he did if he was willing to accept it. "Sam, you know I will support you no matter what, but I want to make sure you will be ok if Dean were to take a turn for the worse."

Jess could feel him tense under her arms before he took a half step back. "That won't be necessary, Dean will beat this, you'll see." Stepping completely out of her hold Sam grabbed the folded pair of jeans and turned tucking them into the drawer. "Can you check on Dean while I finish this up?"

"Sure." Jess looked at Sam sadly for a moment before taking her leave. She walked silently back into the living room where Dean was still fast asleep. She could see the unsteady rise and fall of the older man's chest as he struggled to keep the steady rhythm. Jess knew in that moment if Sam where to lose Dean he would lose a massive piece of himself and she wasn't sure if she was enough to save him. Jess sunk down next to Dean and took hold of his pale hand and did the one thing she hadn't done in many years; she prayed. Jessica prayed for health, healing, but most of all understanding. At the end of her prayer she pulled the blanket higher over Dean's shoulder and ran a gentle hand through his hair. "Dean you need to pull through this."

Dean tried his best to hide his rough cough in the crook of his elbow. He could taste the disgusted evidence of iron in his mouth and his head was pounding painfully. His shoulder's shook violently from the force of his cough. Dean could feel Jess rubbing his back sympathetically as he worked through his spell.

"It's alright Dean, I'm here." Jess winced as Dean let out a particularly deep cough and a splash of red painted Sam's borrowed gray hoodie. Jess could hear the fluid crackling in the older Winchester's lungs as he struggled to catch his breath. "Should I call Sam?"

"N-n-no!" Dean wheezed out before falling into another cough. Dean had finally convinced Sam to leave for groceries. It would be the first time that Sam had left Dean in weeks. Dean had been grateful for Sam's attentiveness, but his little brother was turning into a mother hen that was close to suffocating him. They both needed a little break but thanks to the damn Winchester luck the moment Sam left was the moment Dean's lungs started to rebel.

Jess rubbed Dean's shoulders at a loss of what to do. She hated feeling so helpless when it was clear Dean was struggling. Dean pointed towards his medical bag. "Neb…uli…zer."

Jess quickly ran to the bag and grabbed the appropriate medication. As soon as the mist started, she handed it to Dean. Dean grabbed the nebulizer and greedily inhaled the medication. The mist soothed his angry lungs and throat; allowing his bronchial tubes to expand. Jess sagged in relief once it was clear that medication was helping.

Once Dean felt stable enough to talk, he pulled the neb from his mouth. "Thank you."

"There is no need to thank me, I'm just glad I was here to help." Jess sank into the spot next to Dean. "Do you still not want me to call your brother?"

Dean shook his head taking another pull from his nebulizer. "If you did, he would be back here in no time and with no groceries." Dean said half-jokingly, but Jess didn't laugh. "I don't want to worry him."

Jess rested her chin in her hand as she looked Dean over. In the past few weeks, he had visibly lost more weight, his eyes were losing their green luster, and he slept more than he was awake. Sam rationalized it as Dean was recovering from his doctor visits and he needed the sleep to heal. Jess was skeptical but didn't say anything. "How are you doing, Dean?"

"I'm good." Dean said reflexively as he turned of his medication and set in on the nearby coffee table.

"Honestly Dean, its just you and me here."

Dean's shoulders slumped a bit, Jessica wasn't stupid, and she was observant enough to see he was struggling. His lungs rumbled again, and Dean grabbed a tissue and coughed into it. Thankfully it didn't last long but he could see the red that spotted the tissue when he pulled it from his face. "Fine, I feel like shit." He held up the tissue as evidence of his misery. "Everyday I feel my lungs fill up a little bit more and everyday it gets harder to move, to breath, to even sleep."

Jess had figured as much but it was still hard to hear. "Why haven't you said anything? We could have taken you to the hospital or,"

"Or what?" Dean cut off as he crumpled the bloodied tissue in his hand. "I have gone to every appointment and the doctors are well aware of the status of my lungs. I haven't said anything because I can't."

Jess drops her hand and furrows her brow. "Why can't you? I think both Sam and I can agree we would have wanted to know."

Dean shakes his head sadly while he fiddles with his oxygen cannula. "Sam can't accept the fact that I'm going to die."

Jess felt those words like a blow to the gut. It stole her breath away to hear Dean say that he was going to die. "Dean, what are you saying?"

Dean's tired eyes meet hers and his smile is filled with unspoken sorrow. "Come now, I know you have been thinking the same thing. You have seen my online test results and you have been caring for me for the past month."

Jess can't believe what she's hearing. She runs her hands through her hair and cups them behind her neck. "But Sam."

"Sam won't accept what is in front of him. You and I see the reality; I am stage four resistant lung cancer. I was basically terminal the day I was diagnosed."

"Oh Dean," Jess's eyes fill with tears that slowly spill down her cheeks. Dean holds out a hand which she gratefully takes. "What are we going to do?"

Now there was the million-dollar question that haunted him. He had been trying to drop hints to his little brother, but Sam was so stubborn that he looked right over them. Sam refused to live in a reality that didn't match what he wanted. He wanted to believe that Dean was a real-life superhero that would beat every villain, including cancer. "You can't do anything other than be there for him when this is over."

"But." Jess tried but stopped when Dean shook his head.

"I have to be the one to talk to Sam. It will be that brotherly chat you've been begging us to have." Jess blushed, she didn't know that Dean had overheard her conversations with Sam about that. Dean smiled thinly and playfully bumped her shoulder with his own. "You were right, Sam and I should have talked long ago. I guess I was just hoping that this would have ended differently."

Jess understood when Dean was saying and how hard it was for him to admit. "This will destroy him."

Dean nodded in agreement. "That's why he will need you."

Jess shook her head. That wouldn't cut it, she had sensed the bond between the brothers before she had even met Dean. After living under the same roof as them for a month she could tell that their bond ran deeper than most. "That won't be enough Dean and you know it." Dean looked at the blonde in shocked confusion. Before you leave this world you have to save him, otherwise I don't know what will happen to him."

Author's Notes: Sorry for the wait guys, this Corona virus has really messed with my day-to-day schedule (try teaching Special Education from home! #Impossible). I have tried multiple times to write this chapter and after all of it I ended up moving different parts around and eventually scraped the entire thing I came to this version. I hadn't really intended Jess to play such a big part but she kept coming out as the bridge that the brothers needed. Anyway I hope you all have been staying healthy and I would appreciate your reviews so I know what you guys think!


	5. I Won't Say Goodbye

"No, no way am I going back there!" Dean yelled with an angry raspy voice.

Sam set the phone down and rolled his eyes at his brother while he tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible even though Dean was being impossible. "Dean, you heard the doctor, your blood counts are way too low and with your coughing getting worse there is a real possibility that you are contracting pneumonia." Sam ran an irritated hand through his hair as he pinned his brother with a hard look, Dean ever defiant, stubbornly crossed his arms and looked away. "Dean you could die if we don't go!"

Dean snorted and narrowed his eyes, the pale, bruised skin pulling tight around his sunken eyes. "In case it wasn't obvious Sammy I'm already in the 'dying' boat and I would much rather die in a place of my choosing."

Sam sucked in a harsh breath. He didn't like how casually his brother was talking about his own death and he surely didn't like how Dean was talking about it as if it was a certainty instead of a possibility. "Dean please all we need to…"

"We need to what Sam?" Dean pinned his brother with a tired look. "We need to pray the cancer away or we need to hope my blood counts will magically repair themselves. You and I both know the chemo isn't working anymore. I know you want this to have a happy ending but it's not going to."

Anger pooled in Sam's stomach. "So, what you're just giving up?" Dean's eyes filled with pity and that fueled Sam's anger even more. "No, we aren't giving up!"

Dean wanted to be angry at Sam for saying that, but he couldn't. He had unconsciously been waiting years for someone to say that to him, to join him in this fight, but Sam had gotten here too late. Dean was so grateful for the past month he had spent with Sam, but he had seen the newest scans and the blood results, and he knew enough about cancer to know where he was headed.

Sam shot up from his chair and walked to a window in the living room. "No, don't Sammy me, I don't want to hear it." Sam couldn't bear to hear any more talk of quitting or dying. Dean couldn't just clock out now, there was so much more for them to do. They were just becoming brothers again.

"Sammy, please! Just come here." Sam turned back to Dean; his brother looked so unbelievably tired. He hated all the tubes and wires that were connected to his brother, they were a cruel reminder of their current situation. Dean held out a shaking hand as he motioned Sam to him. "Please."

Sam sighed, his eyes pricking at the corners as he made his way over. Dean's bony hand gripped Sam's and pulled him closer until Sam was seated on the bed. "I'm going to tell you something Sam and you are going to listen to me without interrupting, got it?"

Dean stared at Sam until his brother gave a reluctant nod. "Good." Sam watched as Dean ran a hand through his unruly hair and pulled gently at his oxygen canula. He also noticed that Dean's other hand hadn't released his. He was gripping it tightly as if he were using it to anchor himself for what he was about to say next.

"Sam, I'm dying."

"Dean,"

Dean raised a hand. "No, you promised now hear me out!" Sam clapped his mouth shut but squeezed Dean's hand anyway.

"I'm dying Sam and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I know enough about this damned disease to know there is no more treatments, there are no more therapies, and there are no more pills to change this. You say I am giving up but I'm not, I've just come to accept that my time is almost up. "

Dean reached out and brushed a tear off Sam's cheek, but his brother still wouldn't look at him. "Sammy, I'm sorry."

Sam ignored his promise not to interrupt. "Why are you sorry?" He asked surprised.

Dean sniffed, his own emotions threatening to spill over. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, I just wanted to protect you, I can see now I was wrong. "Dean's voice quavered as a tear slipped from his eye. "But I'm mostly sorry that I'm going to miss it all."

Dean broke down then, it was like everything in that moment became so very clear and far too real. The fear in him exploded around him and threatened to pull him under. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to miss Sam's graduation, his marriage, and the birth of his first child. Most of all he didn't want to miss his own life. He would never get the chance to find these things for himself.

"Sammy, I don't want to die!"

The youngest Winchester clutched his brother into a tight hug. "Then hold on for your life. It can't be time!" Sam shook his head defiantly. "I won't say goodbye to you! Not when we still have time to fix this"

The strong emotions agitated Dean's lungs and he struggled to control his coughing. "Unless you have a magic cure for cancer hiding in that mop of hair of yours."

Sam ignored his brother's half-hearted jests. "Dean you know better than anyone that there are supernatural treatments out there that we haven't tried."

Dean drew back and looked at his brother sternly. His pale and sunken face looked weak and fragile, but his eyes burned with a deep intensity that surprised Sam. "No, don't do that; not for me."

"How could I not Dean; you're my brother"

"No, you listen to me! You got out and you have a damn good life because of it!" Dean coughed long and hard. When he continued his voice was ragged and tired. "I will not have you caught up in that crap again because of me. You got out and you will stay out!"

"Dean, shh, Dean you need to calm down!" The more Dean ranted the more haggard his breathing became. He could barely speak a sentence before violent coughs interrupted him; bloody spittle flecking his chin and cheeks.

"You won't throw away your life for me!"

Sam pursed his lips as the only sign of his defiance and lucky for him Dean didn't notice. "Ok, Dean, you win."

Dean breathed heavily as he studied his younger brother's face looking for a sign of deceit. Satisfied when he couldn't find any, he nodded his head and allowed his brother to gently push him deeper onto his pillows.

Sam stayed with Dean until a restless sleep pulled his brother under. Sam felt bad about deceiving his brother, but he knew he would feel worse if he allowed Dean to die. At this point he would take on the world to cure his brother. Let all the supernatural bastards come for him, Dean was worth it.

Sam pulled out his phone and flipped through his contacts until he found the right number. Hitting call, he left Dean to sleep.

After two rings the call picked up.

"Bobby, did you find it?"

Author's Notes: I'm back! Thank you for all the continuing comments and support! As always stay safe and healthy and please let me know what you think!


	6. I'll Find You

Bobby's eyes flicked over to the young Winchester sitting beside him in the driver's seat. He could feel the tension seeping from the man and flooding the car. When Sam had called and explained the situation Bobby had been devastated. He had been more than willing to help Sam find a way to cure Dean but now that the two hunters sat outside the expensive mansion, he couldn't help but feel some reservations.

"I know what you are thinking Bobby and yes I am sure."

"How can you say that, boy? You don't know who or what's in there." Bobby argued. Why did all Winchester's have to be such hard headed fools?

Sam clenched the steering wheel. "I trust your source Bobby but more so than that Dean is running out of time. The only reason I left his side was because of this lead."

Bobby sighed. He wanted to ere on the side of caution, but he knew Sam was right. Dean had literal days. The doctors were surprised that he hadn't slipped into a coma yet. He thought of the young Winchester's as his son's and he would do anything to save Dean. However, he didn't want to lose Sam in the process.

"Ok Sam we will do it your way. Just know that if this works, I'm not stopping your brother from giving you the beat down of a lifetime."

Sam gave a small crooked smile. "When it works, and I won't hold that against you."

Bobby grunted. "Alright let's do this."

The two hunters exited the car and moved stealthily to the mansion's doors. Sam crouched low and dug through his jacket pocket and pulled out his lock picking tools. Bobby stood with his back to the young Winchester as he watched the street looking out for any kind of trouble. Within a few seconds he heard the door give a small click before it quietly swung open. Sam glanced up at Bobby and they a shared nod of their heads before quickly entering the massive home.

The entrance of the mansion was massive. Sam bet his entire apartment could fit inside. The sprawling hallway lead into the first hallway. On either side of the hall a spiraling staircase lead to the second floor. The banisters reminded Sam of flowering vines, but these vines encrusted with gold. Further down the hall split off into a dining hall and ballroom fit for a king.

Bobby gave a small whistle that pulled Sam's attention away from the glittering architecture and gestured with a small tilt of his head. Sam followed Bobby into the next room, and he found himself in a library that would put the famous Alexandria to shame. The young hunter didn't have much time to admire the impressive sight because sitting in front of a roaring fireplace sat the reason they were there. In a chair twice her size sat a petite red headed woman sipping tea from a delicate cup. Her long red hair fell in spiraling waves over her small shoulders. She wore an elegant red dress that clung tightly to her curves. In her lap sat a massive book with symbols and writings that Sam did not recognize but he had a very good guess at what they could be.

Sharp intelligent green eyes flickered in the fire light as they met Sam's. "I hope there is a good reason you have bothered me this evening, dears." She said with a thick Scottish accent.

Sam's gaze caught movement from Bobby. His friend had already drawn his weapon, but the woman seemed unbothered by the threat. Instead she kept a steady eye on Sam and that made him nervous; not many people would continue to sip on their tea while being held at gunpoint by two strangers.

A twitch from her red painted lips was the only sign of her irritation. "Come now, dear, tell me what this is all about before you test my temper further."

Sam cleared his throat. "My name is Sam Winchester and I'm looking for something and my sources said it was here."

The woman arched a delicate eyebrow. "Did they now. Tell me Samuel, what is it that you are looking for?"

"Sam." Bobby warned. The elder hunter didn't like this woman. He got a bad feeling from her and he didn't want Sam saying anything that she could hold against him.

Sam ignored his old friend. He hadn't come this far not to get what he was after. "A cure. I need a cure for my brother."

The woman set her cup down with a small clink of the china. She sat back and gently crossed her legs all the while staring at the men in front of her. "A cure, you say. How exactly do you propose I help you with that?"

It was Sam's turn to smile. "You're a witch and a pretty powerful one judging from the spell books in this room. Surely it wouldn't be above your power to fix mundane illnesses."

The woman laughed. "My, my, aren't you a smart one!" Bobby shifted and her smile disappeared. With a flick of her hand his gun was yanked from his grasp and he was pinned to the floor by an unforeseen force. "Unfortunately, not that smart. Why should I help you after you broke into my house and shoved guns in my face? I could kill you both now and just be done with it!"

Sam dropped his gun and held his hands out as a sign of surrender. "Please I'm begging you. He's my brother and the only family I have left. Whatever you want I will give you."

The woman coldly stared at the Winchester in front of her for a minute, considering. Normally she wouldn't give hunters the time of day, but she couldn't ignore what she had been shown and what was about to come. The world needed the Winchester's and apparently, they would be critical to her very own future. What a bother. With a sigh she waved her hand and the force on Bobby was expelled. She lifted herself to her feet and stood in front of the Winchester. "Very well. Just know that if it wasn't for my vision you both would be dead by now, but I'll make a deal with you Sam."

"Vision? So, you knew I was coming."

The Witch nodded and walked to the desk by a window. "And I knew what you would be asking." Pulling on the center drawer the witch reached in and pulled out a vile filled with a purple liquid. Walking back to the hunters she handed it to Sam.

Sam reached out to take it, but the witch pulled it back. "Before you take this be warned that it is not a simple cure."

"Sam furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"This potion will cure the cancer but not the mind. That will be your job."

"I don't understand. Why does Dean need his mind cured?"

"Your brother has accepted death. You need to convince him that he needs to live. It is imperative that you don't let Dean die, but be warned Samuel if you take this cure and give it to your brother you will be welcoming every supernatural creature you hate back into your life."

Suspicion filled Sam; he had never shared Dean's name. "Who are you exactly?"

The witch let out a laugh and rolled her eyes. "Do you want the potion or not."

"Yes!" Sam snatched the potion from the witch's hand.

"Good. Now all you need to do is take a sip of the potion and give the rest to your brother. From there you will enter his mind where you will speak with his consciousness." She turned from the hunters and sauntered back to her chair. "Goodbye for now!"

Sam looked at the vile in his hand and then back to the mysterious woman. "You never answered my question."

The witch looked up from her book, amusement painted across her beautiful face. "Rowena MacLeod, dear. Don't worry, I will collect on that favor. Until we will meet again!"

Sam opened his mouth to ask what she meant by that but before he could Rowena snapped her fingers and with a flash, he found himself and Bobby back outside the mansion.

"What the hell?!" Bobby muttered as he stumbled to regain his footing. Sam looked at the vile in his hands, considering."

"Please tell me you aren't actually going to take that stuff." Bobby came up around Sam and took in the boy's expression. "That all went down way to easy, and frankly, I don't trust that witch as far as I can throw her."

Sam tucked the vile into his pocket. "I don't have a choice Bobby. This is the only chance we have at saving Dean. I'm not going to abandon him this time."

Bobby could see the conviction in the younger hunter and knew there was no way in talking Sam out of it. "Ok Sam, lets get back to Dean."

Sam burst into Dean's room his heart thundering. They were about twenty minutes from the city when he had gotten the call from Jess. Dean was taking a turn for the worse and no matter what she tried Jess couldn't get him to wake up. Dean had finally slipped into a coma which meant he had a matter of hours instead of days.

"Oh Sam, thank god you are back!" Jess sobbed running up to her boyfriend. "I don't know what happened. We had been watching T.V and the next thing I knew he was unconscious!"

"It's fine Jess, Bobby and I have found something that may help."

Sam moved around Jess and knelt by Dean's bed. His brother looked horrible. The skin around and over his eyes were blackened with bruises, his skin had taken on the pale pallor of a corpse, and his lips were flecked red with dried blood.

Jess came up behind Sam and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sam, what did you find? I thought the doctors said there was nothing more that could be done?"

Sam pulled the vile from his pocket and uncorked the top. "This isn't conventional medicine."

Jess stared at the vile in confusion. She didn't want to admit it, but she was afraid that Sam was starting to go mad with the mission to save his brother. "I don't understand, what do you mean it's not conventional?"

"Jess, you know there is much of my past I haven't shared with you. This ties into my past and I know you don't understand but I need you to trust me. I'll explain when I can, but I need to concentrate on saving Dean. Sam could see that Jess wanted to argue. With a sigh and a nod to Bobby, Sam withdrew from his girlfriend. He ignored her indignant shout as Bobby maneuvered her out of the room and the door was shut with a slight bang.

"Ok Dean, just hold on a little longer brother, I'm coming to find you." Sam took a quick sip from the vile and grimaced at the taste. You'd think for an all powerful witch she could have made the cure taste less like garbage. He gently gripped Dean's chin and tilted his brother's head slightly back pouring the rest of the nasty contents down his brother's throat. Almost instantly he could feel the effects of the magic take hold. Dizzy, Sam gripped his brother's hand as he sank into the chair that sat next to the bed.

Then his world went black.

Author Notes: So sorry this took so long, I have been job hunting and moved into a new city. I can't say this is my favorite chapter of the story but I really wanted to get a chapter out after not updating for so long. I hope you all have been staying healthy and as always please let me know what you think!


	7. I Wont Let Go

Sam groaned as he came back to his senses. His head pounded as he felt the icy cool of glass pressed against his cheek. He could hear the sound of rain falling around him mixed with the soft comforting noise of classic rock playing low in the background. Sam slowly opened his eyes to find himself sitting shotgun in the Impala.

"Hey, there sleeping beauty, nice to see you join the land of the living!"

Sam's head whipped around to find Dean driving with a teasing look on his face. His brother looked healthy. Dean's skin was flushed with a tan, his hair held a healthy glow, and his clothing clung to muscles gained from years of hunting. Best of all his eyes held the sparkle of life and mischief.

Relief surged through Sam and he sagged against his seat. "Dean! I'm so glad I found you!"

Dean smirked and raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know I was missing."

Sam gaped at his brother briefly before shaking his head. They didn't have time to mess around. "Dean you don't understand, Rowena said I needed to save you!"

Dean snorted and passed a slightly worried look to his brother before returning his gaze to the road. "Sammy how hard did you hit your head? If you have a concussion dad is going to kill me!"

Sam couldn't believe it! Dean was acting as if nothing was wrong. Could he not remember that he was sick? "Concussion? I don't have a concussion! Dean, we really need to talk!"

"Sam, calm down…" Dean eyes widened at his brother's apparent panic.

Sam shook his head and continued over his brother. "Dean this isn't real! I need you to listen to me! A witch gave me a potion, and this is all in your head!"

Dean's eyes widened further before he schooled his features and he reached over placing a hand on Sam's forehead. "Nope, no fever. Definitely a concussion."

Sam growled and slapped his brother's hand away. "Dean knock it off, I'm serious! You are dying in the real world!"

Dean shifted in his seat, a scowl on his face. "Oh, come on Sammy! I'm sitting right here, clearly not dying!"

Sam reached out and gripped his brother's arm. Dean needed to believe him. Sam had come all this way and he would be damned if he wasn't going to save Dean. "Dean, please, you have to remember the cancer. You have to come back!"

Dean shoved Sam's hand off. His hands clenched the steering wheel tight. "Sam, stop it! Let it go ok!"

Sam's gaze narrowed. He could tell Dean was uncomfortable and he was avoiding Sam's eyes. He sucked in a breath. _Dean knew! Then why was he lying? _

"You know!"

Dean's eyes cut to Sam. Anger pooled into the green irises before he closed them with a heavy sigh. Sam stared at Dean as his brother brought the Impala to a stop.

"You never did know when to leave well enough alone." Dean mumbled as he put the vehicle in park.

Sam took a few deep breaths to try and calm his rapidly rising anger. "You knew, and yet you're still trying to talk me out of this! Why?!"

Dean ran a hand through his hair. "Sometimes there are battles that we just can't win, little brother."

Before Sam could answer Dean unhooked his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. He buried his hands deep in his leather jacket and headed down the black top without looking back.

"Dean, wait, comeback!" Sam scrambled to unhook his own seatbelt and follow his brother but before he could his vision swam, and the scene changed.

"Son of a bitch!" Sam cursed as he swallowed his nausea and blinked to clear his spinning vision. As his world cleared Sam noticed that this time, he was in a rundown hotel room. He looked cautiously around the space and wondered why Dean's mind had brought him here. It was like so many rooms they had stayed in as children. There was the familiar draft that ran through the room stirring up the must and mold of uncleaned carpets and leaking ceiling tiles. He could hear the dripping of leaking bathroom faucets and feel the scratchy fabric of the bedding beneath his hands. The only thing missing was his brother.

Sam stood from his chair and moved to the window. Pulling the curtain aside his stomach clenched as he took in the surroundings. The outside world was nothing but pure blackness. It was like staring into an endless abyss. The sound of a door creaking pulled Sam from his shock.

Sam turned to see Dean exit the bathroom with a red stained towel in his hands. "Huh, I shouldn't be surprised to see you here." Dean finished drying his hands and tossed the towel onto the bed.

Sam stepped towards his brother and crossed his arms. "Dean what the hell is going on? Let's get out of this place."

Dean shook his head and sat down on the bed. "You're wrong Sam. You are leaving, I am not going anywhere. My ride stops here."

Sam's blood went cold, and he dropped his arms. "What are you talking about? You aren't seriously giving up, are you?" His strong, bigger than life brother couldn't possibly be calling it quits now. Dean was always the one to keep pushing ahead. He was like a Superman in flannel.

Dean clenched his hands and bowed his head to avoid his brother's gaze. "Sam we've seen the worst that this world has. I'm not exactly sure where but somehow, we lost ourselves along the path." He raised his head and met Sam's eyes, fire burning within his own. "But what I do know is that you found your way out and I refuse to drag you back into it!"

"That's what this is about?" Sam gave a humorless laugh. Leave it to Dean to always put someone else in front of himself. "You seriously are willing to die just so I don't have to get back into hunting?!"

"Of course, I am!" Dean surged to his feet and the scene in the room changed. The floor of the room was littered with broken glass, furniture, and smears of blood. Guns, knives, and bandages were scattered about the room. Dean's face and arms split open with cuts and bruises; blood blossomed over his clothes and dripped to the floor. Sam gasped and took in his own appearance tears and burns peppered his clothing. He watched as his own arms split themselves open and tiny rivers of blood flowed over his skin and cascaded to the floor.

Dean spread his arms wide. "Is this what you want because this is what you will get. You will get a life of pain and violence. You will never have a stable home or career. You will have to forget about Jessica or ever having a family of your own because this life is not safe for them." A single tear slipped down the hunter's face. "I can't possibly ask you to give all that up for me Sammy. It's the life you fought so hard for; I'm not going to be the reason you give it all up! I am not worth all that."

Sam looked about the room and sighed, he would be lying if he didn't hate the sight of all the blood and monster remains that decorated the walls and floor. He would be lying if he said he didn't hate all the moving and lack of stability. Still Dean was missing the point and Sam was determined to make him see it. Stalking forward Sam reeled back and punched Dean square in the face. "You stupid self-sacrificing bastard! How do you know what I want!?"

Dean cursed as he pinched his bleeding nose. "Damnit Sammy!?"

Sam ignored his brother and pushed him roughly in the chest. Dean cursed again and was about to throw his own punch when he noticed the tears in his brother's eyes. "You think dying would make my life better? You think if you are not around, I would be happy! Clearly you don't understand how much you mean to me, that wound would cut so deep I don't think it would ever heal!"

Dean hated to see his brother cry, but he stood firm. "But you would be safe!"

Sam scoffed and kicked an empty shell casing. "Dean I was never completely safe. I would try my best, but I couldn't hide all the blood on my hands. I'm a Winchester, after all the monsters we killed I will always be on their hit list."

Dean scowled. "What are you saying? Did monsters come after you at school?"

Sam nodded. "So, if you decide to kick the can on me, they will still come."

Dean cursed again and sank to the floor with his head in his hands. Sam watched his brother sadly and his heart clenched painfully when he heard Dean's sobs.

"I failed you Sammy."

Sinking to his knees Sam wrapped an arm around his brother. "Don't say that Dean, you've never failed me."

Dean nodded and sniffed. "Yes, I have. I failed to protect you all your life and I failed to beat this cancer. I just wanted you to have the life you always wanted. Even if that meant I couldn't be in it."

Sam gripped his brother's shoulders and gave him a slight shake. Looking up with watery eyes Dean met his brother's gaze. "Listen to me Dean, I pick you." Sam shook his head when Dean tried to interrupt. "This life has done a lot to kick us down, but we've always gotten back up. We still got fight and I need you to believe that."

Sam could see that Dean was starting to lower his walls and hear what he was saying but there was still a hint of doubt in his eyes. "I will always love Jessica, but Rowena confirmed something I had been wondering for some time."

"And what's that?"

"There is a destiny waiting for us and that means she's not safe with me." That was the first time he had admitted that truth out load. It hurt immensely but he couldn't ignore the fact that he would rather leave her than bury her. Sam gripped his brother tighter as a tear slipped down his cheek. "Please Dean, please don't make me lose you too!"

Dean froze at his brother's words. Leave it to Sam to know how to kick his stupid ass back to clarity. He was positive the only way to save Sam from hunting was to die but he had stupidly never considered the possibility that the monsters would come for him anyway.

No matter how hard he tried Dean could never refuse Sam. All he ever wanted was for Sam to be happy and healthy. Dean closed his eyes and lifted his head. "Ok Sammy, we will do it your way." Dean opened his eyes and gave his brother a small watery smile.

Sam let out a whoosh of air that he didn't know he had been holding. Finally, he had gotten through to Dean. Deep down he knew his brother wouldn't let him down, but it still bothered Sam that Dean would think so little of himself. That he would rather die than be a burden to Sam. At least on the road Sam would have plenty of time to show Dean how much he mattered to Sam and to the world.

Sam held up a hand and looked directly at Dean a bright smile on his face. "You and me against the world?"

Dean laughed and clasped his brother's hand. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

The blood and wreckage in the room faded. Sam watched as the cuts and bruises that mapped the brother's skin faded and stitched themselves back together. Dean squeezed Sam's hand as he felt his body fill with warmth. "This is it; I'll see you on the other side, brother."

The last thing Sam saw before the room flashed gold was Dean pass him a cheeky wink.

Sam gasped in shock. It felt like his entire spirit had been yanked from his body only to be slammed back inside with the force of a rocket. His heart was pounding so rapidly that Sam could hear the blood rushing through his veins. None of that mattered though. He had done it. Dean had agreed to return with him.

Dean!

Sam eyes flashed open and he yanked himself up right. Dean's face was still pale and shallow. His frail hand was still clutching onto Sam's like a lifeline. "Dean? Are you there?"

Panic gripped Sam when Dean did not respond. Had Rowena possibly tricked him? No, she had promised! There was the prophecy that they had to fulfill; Dean couldn't just die! Not now, not when Sam was finally coming to peace with who he was. He was a hunter, and his place was at Dean's side.

Tears filled his eyes as he gripped Dean's had tighter. "You promised."

A short cough interrupted Sam's praying. Gaze snapping to Dean, Sam could see his brother's chest heaving as he struggled to regain consciousness. "Easy Dean, I'm right here!"

Dean coughed again and squeezed his eyes before slowly opening them. "Sam?" When Sam nodded Dean gave a short sigh followed by a soft chuckle. "Huh, so it wasn't a dream. Your stubborn ass actually saved me."

Sam laughed at that before lightly punching Dean's arm. "You never should have doubted me."

Dean's eyes narrowed and a grunt was his only response. "Help me sit up will you."

Even though the witch said the cancer was gone Dean still looked like hell. Moving forward Sam griped Dean under the arms and helped maneuver him into a sitting position. Dean's hands shook and sweat peppered his brow. His breaths came fast but didn't appear to be labored.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked nervously.

Dean took a moment to evaluate himself. His body still ached but he didn't feel the familiar burn of fever. His lungs still felt heavy but for the first time in almost three years he could breath easy. Dean took a deep breath and relished the feeling of oxygen rejuvenating his body. He could feel that the organs had sickness to purge from them, but he no longer felt like he was drowning.

"I feel…alive." Dean answered slowly. "I feel like I was run over by a truck, but I don't know, something feels different."

Hope blossomed in the younger Winchester's chest. "A good different?"

Dean smiled. "A good different."

Sam surged forward and wrapped his brother in a hug that was long overdue. "Dude, no chick-flick moments." Dean chuckled even as he wrapped his arms around Sam.

Sam felt so warm and comforting. Even when Dean had given up Sam was there to pull his ass out of the fire. It took almost dying to figure out that no matter where they were Sam was his home.

Sam slowly pulled away and sank back into his chair. He huffed out a tired sigh and ran a hand through his unruly hair. "That's good, I'm beyond relieved."

Dean leaned back into his pillows as the brothers sat in silence; each seemingly lost in their own head. Dean fiddled with the IV in his hand; his eyes flicked to Sam. His little brother was clearly exhausted. He looked like he hadn't eaten or slept in days. Worry and doubt began to ebb its way into Dean's mind. He knew that his brother loved him, and he didn't regret that Sam saved him. However, now that he was saved could Sam live up to his earlier promise. Could Sam actually walk away from the life he built? Could he leave the woman he loved?

Dean fisted his bedsheet in his hands. "Sam, about earlier…"

"I meant it Dean." Sam beat his brother to the question. "Once we get you looked over, we are hitting the road. Maybe head to Bobby's so you can rest up."

Dean's shoulder's sagged in relief but then cringed when he thought of Jess. "Not that I'm not happy to hear that, but what do you plan on telling Jessica then?

To that Sam had no answer.

~Authors Notes: So this chapter ended up a lot longer than I had anticipated. I promise the next chapter will be the last! Please let me know what you all think! Stay safe and healthy!


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